What Is Trauma and How Can I Heal From It?

Jen Meller
Jun 4
3 min read

Updated: 2 days ago

Trauma isn’t just something that happened. It’s what happened inside you as a result. And often, it’s what keeps happening when your body and nervous system don’t feel safe — even long after the event is over.

In my work, I’ve seen how often people wonder,

“Is this trauma?”

“Why can’t I just move on?”

“Why does something so small feel so big?”

The answer often isn’t about what’s wrong with you. It’s about what your nervous system learned — and what it needs to unlearn.

What Is Trauma?

Trauma isn’t defined by the event itself. It’s defined by your capacity to process what happened.

When something threatens your sense of physical or emotional safety — and your system doesn’t have what it needs to fully process or release it — that experience can get stuck in your body. Not as a memory, but as disconnection, or tension, or fear.

And that activation can get retriggered by things that remind your system of the original stress: A sound. A smell. A tone of voice. A particular emotion. A body sensation. Even just feeling too much.

What Keeps Trauma Stuck?

A few common reasons:

Lack of co-regulation: If we didn’t have someone safe and steady to help us process the stress, our system may have held on to it.
Too much charge for our system to handle: If the experience was bigger than our capacity, the body may have gone into freeze or shutdown.
Chronic stress without recovery: Sometimes it’s not one “big” trauma — it’s too much, for too long, without enough support.

The result is a nervous system that starts operating like a circuit breaker. Too much charge trips the system into shutdown or survival mode. And that survival mode can become a long-term way of being.

And, when the trauma keeps us in survival mode, it can ultimately affect our physical well being along with our emotional and mental wellbeing. In fact, many chronic illnesses and autoimmune diseases are all connected to chronic stress, often caused by unhealed trauma.

Healing Trauma Means Expanding Capacity

Trauma healing doesn’t mean going back and reliving every hard moment.

It means slowly building the capacity to be with yourself — to feel what you feel, without being overwhelmed or shut down by it.

It means:

Growing your ability to notice activation and return to regulation
Offering your nervous system cues of safety
Finding external resources to help you co-regulate, like a coach or therapist
Reconnecting to your inner needs and impulses
Building trust with yourself and others
Finding intentional distraction
Allowing new experiences that gently disconfirm your system’s fear

Where to Begin

Here are some gentle first steps to start shifting from survival to safety:

1. Pay attention to your body’s signals

Hunger, thirst, rest, play — these aren’t small things. When we start honoring these cues, our body feels heard.

2. Use simple regulation tools

Place a hand on your heart or chest
Try a slow hum or a “Voo” breath
Cross your arms in a gentle butterfly hug
Orient to your environment — look behind you, take in color and texture
Let yourself move intuitively to music

You can see my regulation guide for a comprehensive list of tools and practices to help you return to safety. These aren’t quick fixes, but they are invitations to gently give your nervous system what you need.

3. Name what’s overwhelming

Sometimes healing means not doing more — it means doing less. Say no. Set a boundary. Take a break from someone or something that drains you.

4. Seek connection — with self and others

We heal through relationship. That might mean safe connection with a therapist, friend, coach, or pet. It might also mean slowly rebuilding trust with your own inner world.

You Are Not Broken — You Are Learning

If you feel overwhelmed by things others seem to “handle,”

If you shut down when you wish you could speak up,

If you feel “too sensitive” or “not enough,”

Please know: this isn’t weakness.

This is your nervous system doing its best to protect you — in ways it once had to.

Healing doesn’t happen all at once. It happens slowly, in moments of noticing, of softening, of remembering you’re not alone.

I’m honored to walk with you on this journey.

If you’d like to find out more about how I work with my clients facing Trauma, click here. If you’re ready to start your journey and find healing from trauma, schedule a call with me. I’m grateful to walk with you in ways that are supportive to you.