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Shame
- Jen Meller
- Mar 1
- 2 min read
Updated: Sep 11
Shame has a special place in my heart.
Strange thing to say, I know.
But I spent two years training at the Center for Healing Shame—studying it, sitting with it, even learning to befriend it. I’ve come to see how shame touches nearly every area of life, especially our relationships—with ourselves, with others, and with the world.
That doesn’t mean I like shame. I don’t think I’ll ever enjoy the way it feels. But I recognize it now. I know how to meet it with care. I know how to listen to what it's trying to protect. And I know how to help others build that kind of relationship with it, too.
Shame often shows up in disguise:
As self-doubt or inner criticism
As a sense of “I’m not good enough” or “I’m too much”
As isolation or people-pleasing
As body shame, sexual shame, religious shame, or creative shame
As the deep, aching fear that something about us is unlovable
When shame runs the show, it can keep us small. It disconnects us from our vitality and authenticity. And often, it convinces us that we’re the only ones who feel this way. We’re not.
In our work together, we’ll approach shame with gentleness and curiosity. We won’t try to bulldoze through it or force it to go away. Instead, we’ll explore it together—at your pace—so it can begin to loosen its grip.
We might ask:
Where did this shame come from?
What is it trying to protect you from?
What gets stirred in your body when shame shows up?
What parts of you feel stuck in old stories about your worth?
How can we bring compassion, connection, and choice into those places?
I draw from several frameworks in this work, including:
Internal Family Systems (IFS) — for meeting the parts of us that carry shame and protecting them without judgment
Hakomi — a body-centered, mindfulness-based method for uncovering the unconscious beliefs that shape our lives
Center for Healing Shame — where I trained to work specifically with shame in a relational, somatic, and experiential way
You don’t need to come in with the perfect words or full understanding of what’s happening. If shame is something you carry—and you’re tired of carrying it alone—we can begin there.
If you're ready to begin, you can schedule a consult here. We’ll talk about what’s bringing you to therapy and whether this feels like a good space for the healing you’re hoping for.
